Forest Fiasco Arc: Part One — I surveyed the carnage and took a deep breath. It’s been a long day. No, it’s been a long — weeks, months? Too much happened in too little time. I look at my arm with a strange combination of relief and sadness. It feels so empty now, so bare…

My craziest kitchen catastrophes, ranked — I’m not a completely terrible cook. I make food regularly, and it’s often edible. Sometimes I even finish making the meal in less than 2 hours! I have little experience, so it’s natural that chaos rolls in. Here are my highlights, presented for your own amusement and perhaps your…

New moon, new me — This year has been full of unexpected changes, and I need to adapt if I want to survive. Here are my resolutions to become a better person. 1. Eat without judgement I’m tired of rejecting foods because they’re “not healthy enough”. Yes I’ll get my fruits and vegetables and all that, but I’m going…

Who’s on first? — “It’s simple,” Cream announced. “I’m dairy, just like butter, so I should be spread on first.” Jam scoffed. “You’re really gonna compare yourself to butter? What’s next, you call this scone an American biscuit? You’re a disgrace to this table and to the entire nation. …

“I Spy” meets “Mother May I?” — A well-crafted work of sci-fi with a hearty spoonful of humor, a healthy dose of satire, and an hilarious number of beverages and treats listed, Necessity is the Mother of Invention is well worth a read. It pokes fun at the wild overreaching of helicopter parents, the challenges of…

Text adventures are fun, and I wrote one! — The great thing about creating my own world is that it need not be constrained by the typical rules of every day life, such as “you can only eat things that are food”! …

Apparently, my apartment needs more lighting — As night approaches, I look to the ceiling and notice a distinct lack of dramatic lighting. No searchlights beaming down like I’m under arrest for breaking into my own apartment. No intense, creepy flickering that could be mistaken for a poltergeist. No bold flashes of thunder to announce my…

Sometimes hard work causes more problems than it solves — It wasn’t the difficulty sleeping that brought me to the nurse’s office. Or the way I could barely manage to swallow enough to keep myself from starving. Not even the incessant thoughts of death convinced me to seek medical help. …

A brief inventory of what must be concealed — I have approximately 2.5 hours left until they arrive, and I just remembered all the concerning things open to discovery in my humble abode. I think I have just enough time to salvage my reputation, but I’d better make a list to be extra sure I haven’t forgotten anything. 1. Dirt